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I wish i had my son Lucas’s single-minded determination. He focuses all his energies on 1 subject matter – be it for 10 seconds or 5 minutes. His persistence is mind numbing in it’s pure honesty. As I grow older and groan more and more about contrite things that become less and less meaningful I begin to realize my joy watching my children grow also brings some solemnity when considering this will be the only time they will ever be truly free. Unencumbered by the burdens they will place on themselves, and that the world will force upon them. What to own, what to wear, who to date, who to be – everything will change. But until those moments I am humbled to have the chance to watch them develop from tiny globules of wailing skin and bones to crying screaming laughing mini-mutant sized versions of me, with the subtraction of the negatives that I carry. I didn’t have the time to marvel as much with Olivia – not for lack of wanting to but purely from being scared shitless that I was going to drop/forget/trip over her. With Lucas I can watch as he develops relationships between words and meanings and his conversations resemble more a semi-sober Bukowski than a scattershot schitzo seeing shiny objects. I don’t want him to grow too fast, he’s fun now. and funny. My own Curly to Olivia’s Moe. I have my Christmas presents already. A lucky man.

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